Before Frank died we had paid off most of our mortgage, so luckily I don’t have to worry too much about that. Being on a part-time income though makes things financially pretty tight. The stress of that does impact my health sometimes.
Up until recently, I was working full time but I dropped my hours to help my daughter, Sarah. She has two beautiful children, Lewis aged three, and Ellie aged eight. Sadly, Sarah has been struggling with her mental health, and more recently, I think she has been taking drugs.
Things have been getting worse since she met her current partner. She seems to be going downhill. The children aren’t coping with the situation either. Sometimes Ellie, the eldest child, will ring me from my daughter’s mobile and ask me to come get her.
I love those children with all my heart and couldn’t let them come to any harm. I am not sure what will happen next.
I want my daughter and my grandchildren to be happy and healthy. I would love Sarah to get back on her feet so she can go back to being a mum and I can go back to being grandma and not be further pushed into disadvantage.
Over the weekend, Carol received a panicked call from Ellie, her eldest grandchild. She said that her mummy was asleep and wouldn’t wake up. This isn’t the first time this has happened.
Carol raced over to the house just as the police were arriving – Ellie had called them too. Carol’s daughter, Sarah, had taken something and passed out. Her partner was nowhere to be seen.
The police took Sarah to the hospital to get her checked out and Carol took the kids back to her place. Carol knew that it was not safe to leave the kids in her daughter’s care anymore.
We are all still shaken up from all that happened over the weekend when I receive a knock on the door from two child protection officers. The police referred the case onto them as the children were present when Sarah took the overdose.
During our conversation, they explained that if I don’t take them then the children may have to come into foster care. I agree the children can’t stay with their mum at the moment. What choice did I have? I am all that they have.
They also said that, as this is an informal arrangement, they can’t provide us with any financial support. For them to be able to help me they would have to legally take the kids into foster care under a court order.
I can’t believe what is happening. I won’t let my grandchildren go into foster care but I am not sure I will have enough money to even put food on the table. I feel sick with anxiety but as I am all they have, I will need to find a way.
More than 1 in 4 (26.3%) of family members reported diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder
After Carol drops Ellie off at school, she sits down and searches online for some support options.
She has never been in this situation before, it’s scary and there is a lot of information online to filter through. Carol feels overwhelmed and cries regularly. She tries to hide it from the children though, especially Lewis, the three-year-old, who won’t leave her side at the moment.
Carol finds a couple of options and decides to seek them out.
Lewis, my little grandson, and I went to Centrelink today. We had to wait for almost two hours to be seen with no toys, books, or a toilet for us to use. We eventually were sat with a staff member whose first question was “what are you here for?”. I explained my situation.
In a very matter-of-fact way, the staff member told me that I can claim the Family Tax Benefit and parenting payment for the children but that this takes it away from Sarah. I know this would leave her with hardly any money and she would struggle to pay her rent. I can’t do that to her. Anyway, she may try and take the children back if I do that.
I was very upset but the person didn’t offer me any sympathy. As a mature person, I thought I would be treated with more respect or at least kindness.
I don’t have much savings. I could increase my hours again at work, but then who will care for the kids? I don’t know what else to do here, it’s all too much to take in.
The system and services are not designed from the perspective of lived experience.
A key barrier to families engaging with services is access;
– inflexible eligibility criteria
– disconnected systems
– cost
– complex navigation issues
– location (local is best)
Families expressed that accessing services could be stressful and emotionally strenuous, particularly if they were already experiencing mental illness.
The pressure of the situation has been getting to Carol and she hasn’t been feeling well lately. She has been neglecting her physical and mental health and every day is becoming a struggle. Carol loves being with the children but looking after them full time with all the dramas happening, is really hard.
She speaks to her manager who luckily is really understanding and agrees to let her take her annual leave and long service leave one after the other.
Carol uses this time off to focus on the situation, which starts with attending many appointments.
Today, I went and saw my family doctor. We have known each other for the past 14 years so it wasn’t hard to tell him about the situation with my daughter.
I also told him about the pains I have been having in my chest. He was kind about the situation and thinks the pains are being caused by the overwhelming stress I am experiencing. He urged me to seek some emotional support as this will help me with my anxiety and stress. We even talk about completing a mental health care plan so I can see a counselor for free but I don’t think I am ready for that just yet.
Before I leave, he prescribes me medication for my nerves and writes me a doctor’s note for my employer. I leave feeling a bit better but as I walk out the door a thought hits me; what would happen to those children if I end up in hospital or even pass away.
The vast majority (84%) of family members reported diagnosis of at least one chronic health condition, with 69% reporting diagnosis of two or more chronic conditions.
The prevalence of poor health and chronic health conditions presented a challenge to families accessing services.
It’s all about relationships!
A strong theme that came from the families is that relationships are very important, regardless of domain.
Stories of isolation, loneliness, and the absence of positive social support, from family, friends, and neighbours were linked to reduced mental health.
Carol knows that holding onto her emotions and keeping her problems to herself is having a negative impact on her health and generally making life harder. If this is to improve, she needs to find an ongoing source of sustainable support. That can be easier said than done.
Carol is glad that she has been able to find a couple of support options to pursue. After all, the children rely on her. Where would they go if she got too unwell to care for them?
You might remember Nikki from the support agency I contacted a while back. Well she rang me back this week and offered to catch up to talk.
We met in a local park close to my house, which was helpful as it didn’t interrupt Lewis’s nap time. Nikki listened to me as I told her about what had happened in the last couple of weeks. She seemed to understand my situation and offered some good advice. She also said there are some financial assistance options available to me and even offered to make a referral for me to go and see a financial counselor.
Nikki says she will continue to provide support for me. I am really grateful for this. Her emotional and practical support has been so important. I think I am going to need all the help I can get over the next few months.
Families expressed a need for systems and services to be designed from the perspective of lived experience.
A key barrier to families engaging with services is access;
– inflexible eligibility criteria
– disconnected systems
– cost
– complex navigation issues
– location (local is best)
Families listed the top attributes of good support to be: empathy and competency – In other words, be kind, help me and follow through.
Other attributes includes: good listening, respect, autonomy, reciprocity, mutuality, partnership
A few weeks into caring for her grandchildren, Carol is feeling overwhelmed both emotionally and financially. Her relationship with her daughter is volatile and so far, she has not received any financial support, either from her daughter or from more formal sources.
Financially, things are heading towards rock-bottom, and Carol is forced to make some difficult choices.
I lost my job today. I have used up all of my leave entitlement and my boss told me she can’t wait any longer. The children and I have been getting by until now but without a salary, I just won’t have enough money to cover all of our basic needs.
Early today I drove to a charity that over the phone said they could help me with food. I feel so ashamed to ask but, well I have no choice. We have to eat. I didn’t take the children with me as I want to protect them from all this.
When I arrived, they gave me a food parcel no questions asked. The people were friendly and it was a nice chance to just connect to others. The food was okay quality and enough to get us through the week if I cut my portion sizes down. I am grateful but I felt so low to have to go there. I didn’t get to choose what I wanted.
I leave with my head down and drive back to the house ready to put on a brave face.
Adults have lower food security than children, who potentially are sacrificing food and going hungry in order to feed their children.
58% of adults experienced hunger and did not eat because there wasn’t enough money for food.
27% of families saying they needed to reduce portion sizes to make food last longer.
Food emergency relief was the most commonly accessed service by families at 72%.
This is not surprising considering only 7% of families reported high food security with 80% of adults having low food security (this is compared to 58% for children)
Adults have lower food security than children, who potentially are sacrificing food and going hungry in order to feed their children.
58% of adults experienced hunger and did not eat because there wasn’t enough money for food.
27% of families saying they needed to reduce portion sizes to make food last longer.
Food emergency relief was the most commonly accessed service by families at 72%.
This is not surprising considering only 7% of families reported high food security with 80% of adults having low food security (this is compared to 58% for children)
Families repeatedly asked us before, during and after their engagement; ‘how will my information be used to make a difference? It is through this lens and in the context of your own influence and responsibility that these calls to action should be viewed.
Informed by what you have learned, please answer the below question. Your comments are made anonymously and will not be attributed back to you.
Interested in continueing your 100 Families journey? Stay connected to 100 Families WA by adding your details below (only quarterly contact will be made via newsletters and project opportunities).
Click on the links below to download key resources to help you on your learning journey.
